


Blow Up Your Phone

by Golden_Ticket



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Current Events, Epistolary, Established Relationship, F/M, text epistolary, text fic, text story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-10 07:59:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15287217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golden_Ticket/pseuds/Golden_Ticket
Summary: Tessa and Scott text. Because while they might be able to go without seeing each other a day or two, they can't not talk. So here they are.**Another texting epistolary featuring current events. Yes, there is talk of hair cuts and cottages.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something is wonky in the state of Denmark. I tried to upload this before as I am sure you saw if you've subscribed to me (thanks for that and sorry for the annoying notifications with no fic!). I took out all the emojis because I guess that's what prevented me from posting, which is annoying but here we are. Just imagine lots of colourful emojis where now there are just boring text-ones :) (like so)
> 
> This is a COLLAB fic with a very sweet co-author who wishes to remain anonymous. We found that we really liked the improv feel to writing out text chats like this and had a lot of fun with it.  
> I took Scott for this and she took Tessa and we tried to go a bit over the happenings of yesterday and just experimented around with the formula.
> 
> The format is an experiment too and it would be best if you viewed this on mobile for it to be really neat :)  
> The bikini pic of Tessa is a manip that I made special for this story so please don't take it, thank you!

___________  July 13th 2018 ___________

 

_Scott Moir [11:46 AM]_

You were supposed to text. One night away and you're forgetting about me...disappointed here T

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:47 AM]_

Don't be absurd, Scott, no one's forgotten about you. I've been out on the lake.

In my swimsuit.

The blue one.

You remember?

 

_Scott Moir [11:48 AM]_

You're not getting me this easily

Gotta do better than that

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:49 AM]_

:)

Worth a try

But I guess you’re busy at the rink anyway

You don't have time for racy pictures of me in my very small blue swim suit.

Like so?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Scott Moir [11:50 AM]_

Wow, low

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:50 AM]_

It is, yes.

 

_Scott Moir [11:51 AM]_

I'm not much help around here though

I can't skate anymore

Completely out of shape

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[11:52 AM]_

You are not.

 

_Scott Moir [11:52 AM]_

It's all gone, trust me

Plus I'm no good without you

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:52 AM]_

That is absurd. You are perfectly fine. You had no problems with the Synchro team yesterday.

You just want me to come skate with you.

I see where this is going.

 

_Scott Moir [11:53 AM]_

I might have auditioned a couple girls there

For when you go on and conquer the world

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:53 AM]_

Please imagine the frosty silence currently occurring on my end of this conversation.

Thank you.

 

_Scott Moir [11:54 AM]_

Please imagine how I need to help coach a bunch of little terrorists for the next hour while you told me about the fucking blue bathing suit

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:55 AM]_

To quote Big Bird...one of these things is not like the other.

I would never audition another partner.

You'd have a heart attack if I tried.

 

_Scott Moir [11:56 AM]_

Are we getting off on something here?

No one compares, you know it

You don't get to audition other people

You would see how much better you could do

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:58 AM]_

That's a nice compliment, thank you.

You should probably go coach or something.

 

_Scott Moir [11:59 AM]_

yeah yeah

Just you know...text me

I mean it...I want one of those pictures you promised next time I check my phone at the boards

 

_Tessa Virtue [11:59 AM]_

We'll see. I don't want to interrupt your auditions process.

 

_Scott Moir [12:01 PM]_

...that is not a request btw

Peeved, are we now?

haha

 

_Tessa Virtue [12:01 PM]_

Do you really want a picture, sweetheart?

 

_Scott Moir [12:02 PM]_

What do you think? I haven't seen you for almost 36 hours, I feel like I forgot what you look like already

I'm dying here

 

_Tessa Virtue [12:03 PM]_

Here you go, then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

That's all you get for now.

 

_Scott Moir [12:05 PM]_

Screw you I'm going skating

 

_Scott Moir [12:08 PM]_

I love you, don't leave me

 

_Tessa Virtue [12:08 PM]_

Go coach small terrifying children, I'll talk to you later

 

_Scott Moir [12:09 PM]_

Enjoy the water babe

 

_Scott Moir [2:30 PM]_

Babe

Babe

Babe

Where's that picture????

 

_Scott Moir [2:35 PM]_

Babe

Babe

I can do this all day

Babeee

Baaaaaaaabee

 

_Scott Moir [2:39 PM]_

Tutu

T Girl

T Bone

T eeteretee

T asmanian devil

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:44 PM]_

...you really have lost your mind.

What did the children do to you?

 

_Scott Moir [2:45 PM]_

They're terrible save me

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:46 PM]_

I have FOURTEEN messages. FOURTEEN.

They cannot be that bad.

 

_Scott Moir [2:47 PM]_

You brought this on yourself

I'm waiting for my Mom to pack up

Like the olden days, hanging out at the pin board

Not the most current pic of you here though

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:48 PM]_

Aww, which one is it?

 

_Scott Moir [2:50 PM]_

Not sure what comp but Carmen

Which like...LOL at my Mom?

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:50 PM]_

Why, what did she do?

 

_Scott Moir [2:51 PM]_

Put Carmen up?

Where the kids can see

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:52 PM]_

Oh. OHH. Oh God.

That's...not good.

 

_Scott Moir [2:53 PM]_

It's a bit much

I'd take it down but she'll notice

This is just to spite me

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:56 PM]_

I can never show my face there again.

Ever.

 

_Scott Moir [2:58 PM]_

Babe this been hanging here for a while

So I think you're good

Also you and I kinda have a party here in a couple of weeks

 

_Tessa Virtue [2:59 PM]_

You WILL cover that up for the party. That is a thing that is going to happen.

Or I swear you can sleep on the couch for a damned week.

 

_Scott Moir [3:00 PM]_

It's not THE lift, you know that right?

It's the last one

The straddling one

...maybe that's worse

I'm gonna just hide it under the lost and found sheet

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:00 PM]_

Oh fuck. No. Take it down. Take it down RIGHT NOW.

I can't have children seeing THAT.

 

_Scott Moir [3:02 PM]_

They've seen it

I'm pretty sure they could watch it on the YouTube if they want

But I'm taking it

So maybe you can keep your racy pictures after all

I'll just cover up my face and use this one

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:02 PM]_

I'm not speaking to you anymore. Go away.

 

_Scott Moir [3:05 PM]_

I have more nicknames

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:06 PM]_

For WHAT?

 

_Scott Moir [3:08 PM]_

For you, if you abandon me again

Blast your phone!

Or blow up your phone?

Which one is it?

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:08 PM]_

Oh God. You are hopeless.

 

_Scott Moir [3:20 PM]_

Sorry, Mom asked where the picture went

Told her I miss you and need it for myself

She says hi

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:22 PM]_

Tell her hello and I love her.

And that I want to come see her when I get back from the cottage.

 

_Scott Moir [3:24 PM]_

She says she loves you too and she wishes you were here

She wants me to say I am annoying without you but I don't think I will

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[3:34 PM]_

Entertain me while I wait for dinner

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:37 PM]_

So bossy.

You didn't used to be this bossy, you know.

You were too afraid I'd get mad at you.

 

_Scott Moir [3:37 PM]_

You won't get mad at me

You miss me

You loooove me

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:40 PM]_

Well...maybe a little.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Scott Moir [3:40 PM]_

Am I getting a little more leg every time I annoy you enough to send one of these?

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:41 PM]_

...I didn't say that.

 

_Scott Moir [3:41 PM]_

There's not much leg left anyway

A little ways up and we're at the fun zone

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:41 PM]_

You are at your mother’s house.

That will NOT be happening.

 

_Scott Moir [3:43 PM]_

They're not still checking my phone you know?

I'm even allowed to sleep in the same bed as you these days

 

_Tessa Virtue [3:43 PM]_

I am aware of that, thank you.

But I am _still_ not sending racy pictures to you while your mother is cooking you dinner.

That is just...

 

_Scott Moir [3:43 PM]_

Naughty

 

_Scott Moir [3:57 PM]_

So I'm not getting any fun zone pics, huh?

Maybe I should come over and deal with that sitch myself

 

_Tessa Virtue [4:02 PM]_

A) That's what you get for being dirty at your mother's house.

B) No, you should not.

Your mother has missed you, and she's cooking for you.

I'll still be here when you're done hanging out with her.

 

_Scott Moir [4:02 PM]_

That's not a no on me coming over

Also as if I was gonna leave before dinner

That's the first time in forever anybody has cooked something nice for me, smells so good too!! :P

 

_Tessa Virtue [4:03 PM]_

Not cool.

Bye.

 

_Scott Moir [4:52 PM]_

You wanna punish me for being a bad boy?

A bad bad rude boy who says you never cook anything nice for him?

 

_Scott Moir [5:26 PM]_

So dinner was great

But I wanna say that this is not how the punishing of bad boys goes T

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:33 PM]_

I was busy.

 

_Scott Moir [5:33 PM]_

What were you doing?

Are you actually mad now? I'm just teasing you know?

Don't be mad please

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:34 PM]_

You are incorrigible.

 

_Scott Moir [5:34 PM]_

I just really miss you

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:24 PM]_

Don't you dare complain about no one cooking for you again. I’m getting so much better at it and I only burn the condo down every second time!

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:30 PM]_

I might miss you too. A little. A very little.

 

_Scott Moir [5:33 PM]_

You're being a bit harsh on yourself. The pan was just on fire for a second

Sad to have lost the dish towel though

You miss me a little?

Wanna teach me some manners a little too? For being rude?

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:34 PM]_

Someone needs to. You don't get girls to like you by insulting their cooking skills. Or lack thereof.

 

_Scott Moir [5:34 PM]_

I wasn't serious, I love when you cook

You're much better than you give yourself credit for

 

_Scott Moir [5:40 PM]_

Hello, I'm terrible at flirting? I messed it up please help

I thought we would like...spat a little and then you would threaten to spank me

Or something

I haven't planned it out that specifically

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:42 PM]_

Fine.

You want to go there?

 

_Scott Moir [5:42 PM]_

YES

Yes, please

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:42 PM]_

For the record, you are not terrible at flirting.

You are terrible at flirting via text.

It's a good thing you never tried to hook up with one of those Tinder girls Jeff offered to find for you.

 

_Scott Moir [5:43 PM]_

Now I have war flashbacks

Thank you

I don't get this app stuff at all

I'm so glad I never have to be out there again

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:43 PM]_

You know, he set me up an account that year too. At CSOI.

 

_Scott Moir [5:43 PM]_

What?

Seriously?

But he knows!!!!

Oh

THAT year

sorry I panicked

Did you tinder?

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:43 PM]_

Scott. It's not a verb.

 

_Scott Moir [5:44 PM]_

Did you go on tinder dates and never told me about it?

It's not?

Oh

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:44 PM]_

Are you really asking me if I went on Tinder dates in 2016? Really?

 

_Scott Moir [5:45 PM]_

No but like

You know

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:45 PM]_

I do not know.

Enlighten me.

 

_Scott Moir [5:46 PM]_

I don't own you

You could have gone out

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:46 PM]_

I beg your pardon.

We were seeing each other?

 

_Scott Moir [5:47 PM]_

You can talk to people

As long as that's all it is

And we hadn't actually had the talk then if you recall

Technically you could have done whatever the hell you wanted

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:50 PM]_

So could you.

 

_Scott Moir [5:52 PM]_

Yeah no

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:53 PM]_

Plenty of girls on that tour that were more than happy to flirt with you, if I remember correctly.

 

_Scott Moir [5:53 PM]_

Babe I was never any good with anybody else you know that

I was crap at it even when I didn't get to have you

Once I did...

There'll be nobody else ever again

If you leave me I'll just curl up into a sad ball and die

Like a doodlebug

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:55 PM]_

All right, I miss you.

And I love you.

There.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Scott Moir [5:55 PM]_

I love you too and I love that swimsuit

And I love that you get your mother to take your sexy pics for me

Will Kate be staying at yours tonight?

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:56 PM]_

Why on earth would you bring my mother into this now?!

 

_Scott Moir [5:56 PM]_

YOU brought your mother into this!!

At least I'm hoping nobody else took that picture of you

Or I'm getting in the car right now and fuck dessert and beat someone up

 

_Tessa Virtue [5:56 PM]_

Scott, don't play with your food. It's bad manners. ;)

 

_Scott Moir [5:57 PM]_

That's cute

It's not an answer though

That was your mom right? And she's staying at her own house tonight, yeah?

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:01 PM]_

I haven't asked her. Why?

 

_Scott Moir [6:03 PM]_

Because I might really wanna come over

Maybe

If you want me

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:07 PM]_

I thought you were spending the night at your parents', though, babe.

Your mother hasn't seen you in months.

 

_Scott Moir [6:09 PM]_

I mean I could

But I could also come see you and be gone after breakfast

And be back here before lunch

She would hardly notice I'm gone

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:10 PM]_

If you do come over, you have to make sure nobody sees you.

I mean, you know I want to see you. Always.

Just don’t get seen.

 

_Scott Moir [6:10 PM]_

I know babe. I'll park around the block and sneak into the back from the beach

Humming the mission impossible theme song

No one will ever know

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:11 PM]_

...yes, that sounds very covert.

Nothing at all strange about that.

 

_Scott Moir [6:11 PM]_

I want to see you

I hate that I can't touch you

Plus I might have done something you'd maybe like to see

Also you'll be gone for like forever next week

I kinda need the night

I want you

See what I am doing, I'm trying to give you some good incentives

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:13 PM]_

1) You saw me less than 24 hours ago.

2) I will not be gone for forever.

3) WHAT DID YOU DO??

 

_Scott Moir [6:14 PM]_

1) So?

2) How do you expect me to last more than a day or two after the years we've had?

3) Cara made an instagram

A story. Might be worth breaking your social media detox for, maybe...

A zoomy thing

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:15 PM]_

What on earth is a zoomy thing? Never mind, I'm just going to look for myself.

 

_Scott Moir [6:15 PM]_

It makes this woopdibiduuuu sound

T?

Babe?

 

_Scott Moir [6:21 PM]_

Babe

T Dog

Tessasaurus?

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:22 PM]_

WHAT. THE. HELL.

 

_Scott Moir [6:22 PM]_

Love of my life, my soulmate

oh

You're back

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:22 PM]_

What

I don't

I cannot

WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

 

_Scott Moir [6:22 PM]_

This morning.

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:23 PM]_

You had this all day and you’re only just telling me now?!!

 

_Scott Moir [6:23 PM]_

It’s been on instagram for almost two hours, you just haven’t checked

I told you I would do it

I told everybody

I held out super long this time

And you didn't like the gel anyways

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:24 PM]_

I told you fine, get a trim.

I did NOT tell you to go back to 2014.

MY GOD.

I leave you for ONE day. ONE.

 

_Scott Moir [6:26 PM]_

What do you mean go back to 2014?

What was wrong about my hair in 2014?

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:28 PM]_

I give up.

You can’t be left alone.

I'm done.

 

_Scott Moir [6:28 PM]_

That's what did it?

Okay

Here comes the doodlebug

Tell people at the party I would have liked to have been there but you killed me

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:30 PM]_

You know, I was going to send you a pic of that lingerie I got last week from Solokoff.

Along with some ideas about what you could do with it when I came back from the cottage.

But you can just forget about that.

Since you decided to go back to frat boy 2014 hairstyles.

 

_Scott Moir [6:31 PM]_

Babe

Please don't be like the internet people

I just wanted it off for a while

I'll grow it back

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:32 PM]_

What internet people are offering to show you lingerie pictures?! Good God.

 

_Scott Moir [6:34 PM]_

They would too probably

but I mean the internet people who complain about my hair no matter what I do

Kinda like this beautiful girl I know

She's very unforgiving right now

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:35 PM]_

You're damn right she is.

 

_Scott Moir [6:35 PM]_

And not interested in her man coming to her tonight to hike her legs over his shoulders and eat her out until she forgets her name

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:36 PM]_

Well. That escalated quickly.

 

_Scott Moir [6:37 PM]_

I kinda need to know if you're down cause I'd like to get on the road before it gets too dark out

So I thought I might speed things along

Do you need more info to make up your mind?

Make you forget about the hair cut?

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:41 PM]_

No, I think that instastory is all I can think about right now.

Possibly all I can think about ever.

You might as well stay where you are. You and what little hair you have left.

 

_Scott Moir [6:42 PM]_

Okay

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:53 PM]_

All right, I have a compromise.

Get it to look like this:

And I'll sleep with you again.

 

_Scott Moir [6:53 PM]_

Look T I actually don't know if I'm in the mood anymore

I thought you might like it a little bit

 

_Scott Moir [6:55 PM]_

Serious!

Kind of bugged rn

I do think it's cute that you googled for this picture but I'm a bit hurt

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:56 PM]_

All right, serious.

What's wrong?

 

_Scott Moir [6:56 PM]_

I don't know, it was just a harsh reaction. I'm kind of annoyed at everyone having an opinion on my hair

And the one person whose opinion I care about hates the way I look now apparently

Kind of blows

 

_Tessa Virtue [6:59 PM]_

Baby...you know I love you.

And your hair.

I'd want you if you shaved your head completely bald.

You know that, right?

And I'm sorry I hurt you. I was just being a bit dramatic. It’s a change but it looks good. After some further deliberation.

 

_Scott Moir [7:00 PM]_

Yeah

It's okay

You don't think I'm ugly now?

And you never wanna touch me again?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:01 PM]_

You could never be ugly. Ever.

Still the only man in the world who makes me go weak in the knees.

 

_Scott Moir [7:01 PM]_

And you did see me go through Eminem phase

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:02 PM]_

I did, and I wanted you like crazy even then.

I'll always want you, baby.

I’m sorry for being mean.

 

_Scott Moir [7:02 PM]_

Look at you being all corny

I'm coming around, I’ll be fine

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:02 PM]_

Do you want me to kiss it and make it all better, baby?

 

_Scott Moir [7:04 PM]_

Hmm, yeah

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:04 PM]_

You do?

 

_Scott Moir [7:08 PM]_

Think so

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:08 PM]_

'Cause you weren't sure you were in the mood earlier...

 

_Scott Moir [7:09 PM]_

If you promise to be nice to me about the hair

You can do absolutely everything else with me

And I meant it about your legs on my shoulder

I might wanna slap your ass once or twice too

Just so I feel a little better

But only if you'll let me

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:10 PM]_

We'll see...

But not until my mother leaves.

Obviously.

 

_Scott Moir [7:13 PM]_

I'm just about done here at my parents

So I can get in the car in a bit

Then you have an hour

To get Kate to leave

And get into that new lingerie

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:13 PM]_

Scott. I cannot just kick my mother out. Be patient.

If you're very good, I'll give you a preview.

 

_Scott Moir [7:14 PM]_

What does very good consist of?

I just got flak for texting all the time btw

Me!

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:15 PM]_

Flak from whom?

 

_Scott Moir [7:15 PM]_

Mom

Dad

Mostly Mom

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:21 PM]_

Hahahahaha. 

Deservedly.

So...I promised you a preview. If you were good.

 

_Scott Moir [7:21 PM]_

Was I good?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:21 PM]_

I don't know...were you?

You tell me.

 

_Scott Moir [7:22 PM]_

I was good. I'm pretty sure.

I was forgave you pretty quickly, that's something

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:22 PM]_

I apologised very nicely.

How else have you been good?

And be specific.

 

_Scott Moir [7:24 PM]_

I helped put the dishes away after dinner, thanked my mother for her cooking. Plus I’m ready and fully prepared to pick up whatever you want from the way over to Bayfield

Like whipped cream

If you should want that for some reason

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:24 PM]_

My mother isn't leaving until 10:30.

Just so you know.

But the whipped cream could come in very handy. For certain...activities.

 

_Scott Moir [7:25 PM]_

For cake that needs topping

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:25 PM]_

Precisely.

 

_Scott Moir [7:25 PM]_

You think Kate can abide my presence if I get there sooner?

I'll hide the whipped cream

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:26 PM]_

But that would ruin my plan, baby.

And it's a good one.

 

_Scott Moir [7:26 PM]_

Your plan is to have your mother see me bring you whipped cream when there is no cake in sight anywhere?

Do I still wanna come over?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:26 PM]_

No, duh, that was not the plan.

The plan was to greet you at the door in this...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which is going to get a little awkward if my mother is here as well.

 

_Scott Moir [7:27 PM]_

God damnit

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:27 PM]_

I can't tell if that means you like it or not.

 

_Scott Moir [7:27 PM]_

This bodiless thing doesn't do you justice

I want you in that

Just leave the panties

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:28 PM]_

No, they're part of the plan too. ;)

 

_Scott Moir [7:28 PM]_

Tell me more please

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:28 PM]_

:*

 

_Scott Moir [7:28 PM]_

A little bit more

I don't speak that language

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:35 PM]_

Oh yes you do.

I have over a decade's worth of proof that you do.

Ever since we were at the Ilderton carnival, actually.

 

_Scott Moir [7:35 PM]_

I meant the letter-faces-things not the kissing thank you very much

Also it's adorable how you like to pretend you don't remember that Carnival kiss

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:35 PM]_

Only in public. We have to keep the sham going somehow.

Of course I remember that. You were my second kiss.

 

_Scott Moir [7:36 PM]_

Hold up

Second?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:36 PM]_

...you never knew that?

 

_Scott Moir [7:36 PM]_

I didn't think you *counted* that

I demand you don't count that

I was your first kiss

That's what I'm gonna say at our wedding

Just so you know

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:37 PM]_

So we're _not_ counting the time that Ben Wilson kissed me out by the monkey bars in second grade?

Because I'm pretty sure that was a kiss. :)

 

_Scott Moir [7:37 PM]_

That wasn't a kiss

that was an accident

He slipped on the bar and your head was in the way

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:37 PM]_

Clearly.

 

_Scott Moir [7:38 PM]_

We're not counting that

It doesn't count

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:38 PM]_

Of course not.

 

_Scott Moir [7:38 PM]_

He didn't have flowers

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:38 PM]_

Not even slightly.

 

_Scott Moir [7:38 PM]_

I had flowers

Shut up

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:39 PM]_

You make an excellent point, Moir.

 

_Scott Moir [7:39 PM]_

Thank you

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:39 PM]_

Flowers make all the difference.

Why didn't I realise that before?

 

_Scott Moir [7:39 PM]_

I don't know, honestly baffles me

But back to that thing you're gonna put on for me once Kate is gone

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:40 PM]_

I wondered when you were going to get back around to that, yes.

 

_Scott Moir [7:40 PM]_

I gotta help Dad fix the TV real quick, so I won’t get out of here for a tiff. I’m also gonna go home and shower first before I get on the road

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:40 PM]_

Oh? A shower?

All alone?

 

_Scott Moir  [7:40 PM]_

And then those panties are gonna come off

You're not here, what else would I do?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:41 PM]_

Oh, nothing, nothing, just...thinking of you. In the shower.

That's all.

 

_Scott Moir [7:41 PM]_

Are you now?

Are you getting frisky with me with your mom in the room?

Are you being naughty now?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:41 PM]_

She's on the deck. She thinks I'm taking a bath.

 

_Scott Moir [7:42 PM]_

You know I’m thinking the whipped cream is a pretty damn good idea

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:42 PM]_

Maybe I should take that bath after all...get all wet and warm and slippery. With plenty of bubbles.

 

_Scott Moir [7:43 PM]_

Babe

Don't

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:43 PM]_

What?! Can’t a girl plan out her bath?

 

_Scott Moir [7:43 PM]_

I got a TV to fix

Don't give me blue balls

I need my blood in my brain

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:43 PM]_

So I should _not_ tell you about the fact that I just took off my shirt? And my bra?

You didn't want to know that?

 

_Scott Moir [7:44 PM]_

No

No no no no

T

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:44 PM]_

Oh, all right then, I'll just keep my activities to myself.

 

_Scott Moir [7:44 PM]_

Please

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:44 PM]_

You fix that TV, baby. Before you get in that car, I'll tell you all about my bath, get you nice and hard for when you get here.

:*

 

_Scott Moir [7:45 PM]_

I hate you

Also thanks for the Canton flashback

Driving you home every weekend with a boner wasn't all that fun for me, you know?

I was really trying to not be a pervert

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:45 PM]_

It was so sweet. Watching you try to behave yourself and fail.

I was not trying to help there. At all.

But then you knew that.

 

_Scott Moir [7:45 PM]_

I think I did

You knew every time, didn't you?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:46 PM]_

...yeah. :)

I may have possibly tried to make it worse.

Possibly.

 

_Scott Moir [7:46 PM]_

I gathered as much

Nobody can drop stuff on the floor and bend over entirely to pick it up that many times

I did love how your shirts rolled up though

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:46 PM]_

Yeah...remember that crop top that showed off my belly button piercing? The one that tied really high up?

 

_Scott Moir [7:46 PM]_

I wanted to take that off you every time

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:47 PM]_

I was aware of that. :)

 

_Scott Moir [7:47 PM]_

I can't count how many times I just wanted to just drive into a random forest

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:47 PM]_

Why do you think I wore it?

 

_Scott Moir [7:47 PM]_

just

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:47 PM]_

...yes?

 

_Scott Moir [7:47 PM]_

Bend you over the hood

Wreck you up

For real

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:48 PM]_

In broad daylight?! Scott Patrick Moir.

How very...

 

_Scott Moir [7:48 PM]_

Exciting

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:48 PM]_

I was going to go for fucking hot, but sure.

Exciting works.

In other news, I've now taken off my jeans.

In case you were curious.

 

_Scott Moir [7:48 PM]_

I don't want to know

babe

Promise me something?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:48 PM]_

...yes?

 

_Scott Moir [7:48 PM]_

Don't get off okay?

Not without me

You can...do whatever

Just don't come

Can you do that for me?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:49 PM]_

Well...it's a lot to ask.

But I suppose so.

 

_Scott Moir [7:49 PM]_

You're my best girl

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:49 PM]_

I'm going to assume that you do not want to know what I'm doing in the tub in about five minutes, then.

And I'd better be your only girl, dammit.

 

_Scott Moir [7:50 PM]_

The only girl forever

I'm trying to not get into any funny business either until I get to you so it's probably best if you don't tell me

I want it to be with you tonight

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:50 PM]_

It'll be a test. Of your endurance.

 

_Scott Moir [7:50 PM]_

Don't tell me about right now. 

Tell me about what you knew about what I wanted to do to you

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:51 PM]_

Hold on, I'm naked and getting in the tub. I don't want to get my phone wet.

 

_Scott Moir [7:51 PM]_

You are the worst Tessa Virtue

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:51 PM]_

The worst, hmm?

 

_Scott Moir [7:51 PM]_

A bad, bad, bad girl

Worthy of a good spanking

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:52 PM]_

Oh, really?

 

_Scott Moir [7:52 PM]_

I think so yeah

Get you all pink

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:52 PM]_

;)

The water is lovely, by the way - very warm.

You'd like it.

 

_Scott Moir [7:54 PM]_

I'm sure I’d like it a lot. I also like that you'll let me slap your ass

I don't like the situation in my pants, not very great when you’re helping your Dad fix shit

But I like that you're comfortable

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:54 PM]_

Well, I can't do anything about your...situation. You could just put the phone away, you know?

 

_Scott Moir [7:54 PM]_

Not an option. Tell me about the crop top

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:54 PM]_

And how is that going to help?

 

_Scott Moir [7:55 PM]_

Memory lane

Nice and removed

As long as I don't have to think about what is happening right now, I'm good

Work with me here T

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:56 PM]_

Sweetheart. You have severely underestimated my skills when it comes to reviving memory lane.

This is not going to end well for you.

 

_Scott Moir [7:57 PM]_

Well, if you put it like that, maybe you should really wait to tell me until I’m home.

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:58 PM]_

Fine. It's not like I'm touching myself in the bath and thinking of you.

Drive safely, baby.

:*

 

_Scott Moir [7:59 PM]_

That's so much more spanking for you later, goddamnit

 

_Scott Moir [8:31 PM]_

I put the car in the garage, coast was all clear, no prying eyes

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:33 PM]_

There better not be. I do NOT want to deal with 15,000 Twitter mentions. Again.

 

_Scott Moir [8:33 PM]_

Let's not

 

_Scott Moir [8:35 PM]_

We're out of parchment paper

Btw

Just so you're aware

Used the last one last night

We need new ones

Could've gotten them at Farmboy

But I didn't know we were running so low

 

_Scott Moir [8:37 PM]_

And there might be a tiiiiny little stain on the couch

But it's way in the back and there's a pillow on top of it so you wouldn't even know

...Do you hate me because of the couch or are you busy in the tub?

Don't answer me if you're busy in the tub

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:37 PM]_

Busy doing what, exactly...?

 

_Scott Moir [8:37 PM]_

Don't know

Are you still in there?

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:37 PM]_

...yes

 

_Scott Moir  [8:38 PM]_

Hm

I'm home now

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:38 PM]_

Yes, I know, you were looking at parchment paper

 

_Scott Moir [8:38 PM]_

Yes

I'll get a new roll

So about that crop top

And memory lane

You said it wouldn't end well for me

I am listening a little bit

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:38 PM]_

Only a little bit? I want your full and undivided attention, Moir.

 

_Scott Moir [8:39 PM]_

You got the full attention

I just might need to cut you off at a certain point

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:48 PM]_

And why would you do that?

 

_Scott Moir  [8:48 PM]_

You know why

I meant it when I said I want it to be with you tonight

I'll be a good boy

But I still wanna know

 

_Tessa Virtue  [8:49 PM]_

You can't have it both ways, you know.

 

_Scott Moir  [8:49 PM]_

Can't I?

So you don't want to tell me?

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:49 PM]_

Are you going to last?

 

_Scott Moir [8:50 PM]_

Maybe

I have high hopes

Try me

Come on T

You wanna play, let's play

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:50 PM]_

Fine. But remember that you asked for this.

So you don't get to complain later when you end up losing it.

 

_Scott Moir [8:51 PM]_

You'll find I learned patience in my years with you

Almost sixteen whole years basically

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:51 PM]_

So...you wanna talk about the crop top, hmm?

 

_Scott Moir [8:51 PM]_

Yeah...and I wanna know how you felt about me

And how you felt about how I felt about you

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:51 PM]_

This is starting to sound like a bad country song.

 

_Scott Moir [8:52 PM]_

Don't stall

Give me your worst, Virtch

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:52 PM]_

So, Moir...you wanna hear about the first time I wore that top? On the way back home?

 

_Scott Moir [8:52 PM]_

Yes

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:52 PM]_

See, when I picked it out that afternoon I kind of figured you'd give me at least a once-over.

And then, when you couldn't keep your eyes off me long enough to drive properly, I knew I had you.

Dead to rights.

 

_Scott Moir [8:53 PM]_

Honestly I nearly drove us off the road I think

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:53 PM]_

Why do you think I put my jacket back on eventually? I wanted to drive you a little crazy, I didn't want to actually _die._

 

_Scott Moir [8:54 PM]_

I don't even remember that

I don't remember much at all, I have no idea what we talked about

I just know that I wanted you

And that I couldn't stop looking over

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:54 PM]_

You really couldn't. I loved it.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[8:54 PM]_

I was so fucking hard before we even got to the highway

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:55 PM]_

I imagine it didn't help matters when I crouched down with my ass in the air at one point.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[8:55 PM]_

That never helps

I don't know how you even managed that

I was so close to touching you

That whole drive

I just wanted to get my hands all over you

But you were way too young

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:56 PM]_

I wasn't _that_ young, for God's sake. I was sixteen.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[8:56 PM]_

Barely

I was not supposed to want you like that

I wasn't supposed to want you at all

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[8:56 PM]_

But I _wanted_ you to want me

I wanted that so badly...

And then I decided I could sit around and mope about it or I could _do_ something.

You know how much I hate inactivity. ;)

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[8:57 PM]_

You knew what you were doing to me

But you never took it further

You just sat there, close enough to touch, driving me crazy

And that was that

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:57 PM]_

Well, I wasn't going to make the first move.

Besides, you know you would've pulled that "you're too young, we can't, we shouldn't be doing this" crap on me.

And that would've been annoying as all hell.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[8:58 PM]_

I don't know about that T

I probably would've said that

For like a minute

And I think if I'd known for sure that you wanted me

I don't think I could've stopped myself

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:58 PM]_

I wish I'd known that then

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[8:58 PM]_

It's better we didn't

We were stupid kids we would’ve fucked it up even worse than we did later

But if it helps at all, once I was alone I caved every time

In my head, I always gave in

I just took what I wanted up there

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:59 PM]_

Tell me.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:00 PM]_

I'd get home and waiting until the first moment I could go get a shower, if I didn't take it right after I dropped you off. I never lasted long in there, I just had to get you out of my system

I did it every single time though, every time, trying to not moan your name through the house

Thought about biting your piercing, ripping that crop top or whatever you were wearing off

And pulling your hair

And how you'd maybe scream my name or tell me to fuck you

How you would feel

How maybe I could be your first

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:02 PM]_

Well, that worked out at least.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:02 PM]_

First and last

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:02 PM]_

Yes...but Jesus, Scott, if you don't want me to come in the bathtub, for fuck's sake don't tell me about biting my piercing.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:02 PM]_

I thought you were gonna be the one testing me...

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:03 PM]_

Oh, all right, then, fine.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:03 PM]_

Tell me about the first time

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:03 PM]_

What, at Worlds?

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:04 PM]_

Yeah

What was it like for you

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:04 PM]_

You know what it was like for me

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:05 PM]_

For real, not the pg version

You looked so put together

Did you have fun a little bit?

Even if it was the first time?

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:05 PM]_

A little bit?

Baby.

I couldn't breathe, I wanted you so badly that night.

Every time you touched me, it felt like I was on fire. Like burning up. For you.

Just you.

No one else ever felt like that. No one can make me feel like that.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:06 PM]_

Nobody else

I want no one else near you ever again okay?

Fuck T you're mine

Yeah?

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:06 PM]_

Always.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:07 PM]_

Just mine

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:07 PM]_

And you were so gentle that night - so sweet.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:07 PM]_

I didn't want to hurt you

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:08 PM]_

I couldn't have ever wanted a better moment than that.

You couldn't. You never would have.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:08 PM]_

I could've though, I wanted to tear you apart

I tried so bad not to bite you too hard

Fuck, just remembering

That I got to have you, I was going fucking insane

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:09 PM]_

I remember thinking that night that I was yours, that I was ruined for everyone else.

No matter what happened, no matter where I ended up, I'd always be yours.

First and always.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:10 PM]_

Yes

God, babe

Screw the shower

I'm getting in the car right now

You got an hour to get rid of your mom

I'm serious

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:11 PM]_

I KNEWyou wouldn't last. I knew it.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:11 PM]_

Of course you did

You get one minute to gloat

And then you need to start working

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:11 PM]_

Fine. I want you too badly to argue.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:11 PM]_

Finally on the same page

I love you

I can't wait to see you

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:12 PM]_

I'm going to put on the blue babydoll. And a robe. And shoo my mother out the door.

I'll be waiting when you get here.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:12 PM]_

Please not in that order, babe

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:12 PM]_

Not in what order?

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:13 PM]_

Don't shoo your mother in your babydoll

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:13 PM]_

That's why I said the robe part, pay attention.

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[9:17 PM]_

Yeah, blood missing from my brain, remember?

Okay, I'm headed your way

Can’t wait to do dirty dirty things to you

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:18 PM]_

See you soon. <3

 

___________ July 14th 2018 ___________

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[11:53 AM]_

That was quite the night. Let's do it again some time

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[11:56 AM]_

"Quite the night"? Five times in less than 10 hours and that's all you've got to say?

And here I thought the babydoll had more of an effect on you...

 

 _Scott Moir_ _[11:58 AM]_

Let a guy recover a little

I wish you didn't have that family thing tonight so I could make it up to you.

 

 _Tessa Virtue_ _[11:59 AM]_

  Some other time. I have a feeling we'll have some late nights in your future, still ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE! You ask...we deliver!
> 
> We retconned the ending to make it nice and canon-timeline-compliant :)
> 
> Please read this on the phone :)

___________  July 17th 2018 ___________

 

_Scott Moir [7:25 PM]_

So, I'm at the restaurant

I've been here 10 mins

and no one is coming

Do I have the right place?

**[Scott Moir has sent a location.]**

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:26 PM]_

Yes, that's the right place.

But I thought they weren't going to be there until 8:00. From what you told me last night.

 

_Scott Moir [7:26 PM]_

Oh.

Oh yeah. I fucked up

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:26 PM]_

So now you're going to be waiting for 30 whole minutes.

At least you're early.

Unlike the first 12 years or so of our career. ;)

 

_Scott Moir [7:27 PM]_

What's that supposed to mean?

I was always on time

Mostly

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:27 PM]_

I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard right now

That's hilarious

:D

 

_Scott Moir [7:28 PM]_

You’re not laughing at all are you?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:28 PM]_

Nope. Not a bit. Not even a chuckle.

 

_Scott Moir [7:28 PM]_

Ah well 

Now I'm bored

How's the free night?

Can you text me a lot so I don't look like I've been stood up?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:30 PM]_

Hahahaha - why do you think you'll look like someone stood you up?!

Just because you're there by yourself?

 

_Scott Moir [7:31 PM]_

Yeah

Isn't that how it goes? Someone looks all sad in front of breadsticks for half an hour and everyone else feels bad?

I wouldn't know tho

Never been stood up ever

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:32 PM]_

Don't worry - if history's any indication, the entire female population of Toronto is going to take this as an invitation to try to jump your bones. Per the usual.

And really? Never? Wow.

 

_Scott Moir [7:32 PM]_

Well, once

Also jealous T?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:32 PM]_

Who stood you up?

And why, do I need to be?

 

Scott Moir [7:33 PM]

I don't think you need to be

I like you a lot

Even if it was you that stood me up

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:34 PM]_

When did I stand you up?!

Are you making things up again so I'll feel sorry for you?

Because I'm not sending you racy pictures in a restaurant.

Just so we're clear.

 

_Scott Moir [7:34 PM]_

It's actually a super tragic story and you'll feel really bad when I tell you

I still have the pictures from the lake

And by the lake I mean the bed

So I'm good for now

 

 _Tessa Virtue [7:35 PM_ ]

Are you really?

I'm surprised.

But fine, tell me your VERY TRAGIC story.

 

_Scott Moir [7:36 PM]_

Do you remember 2012?

Not like broadly

I mean when we started to be idiots?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:37 PM]_

I think you mean continued to be idiots for the third or fourth time

But yes, I remember

 

_Scott Moir [7:37 PM]_

Yeah, I mean when we started being idiots for a long time

You know how we said we'd see each other on Christmas?

And you never came

And later you texted you had to go see your grandma

Which was totally fine

But like, I had kind of set up this really elaborate date

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:37 PM]_

You what?!

 

_Scott Moir [7:37 PM]_

Got Mom to give me the keys to the rink

And I had flowers and a table and a checkered table cloth and everything

And Pizza from Joe's

The whole shebang

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:38 PM]_

I never knew...

 

_Scott Moir [7:38 PM]_

I know

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:38 PM]_

Why didn't you tell me?!

 

_Scott Moir [7:38 PM]_

Because we weren't a thing

We never said it was gonna be a date

And we barely did Christmas

I was a little ahsamed

I mean I got a present and everything

It just felt silly when you didn't come

I didn't want you to think I was totally in love with you

Or like I'd have asked you to be my girlfriend or something weird like that

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:39 PM]_

Ohhh. Baby. That is the sweetest thing. I can't believe you did all that back then.

And you know I would've said yes.

 

_Scott Moir [7:40 PM]_

Nah I was an idiot back then, you would've said no and you would've been right to

We weren't ready

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:40 PM]_

You don't know that.

 

_Scott Moir [7:41 PM]_

Really?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:41 PM]_

That I would've said no? Yeah, you don't know that.

 

_Scott Moir [7:41 PM]_

I seem to remember a lot of "this was a mistake Scott we shouldn't be doing this"

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:41 PM]_

Yes, well, I'm a sucker for checkered tablecloths and Joe's pizza.

I would've caved.

 

_Scott Moir [7:42 PM]_

It would've been a pretty neat date

There may have been an air mattress in the office

Pretty glad my Mom never saw me take that from the house

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:42 PM]_

Ohh, weren't you prepared?! Ready to break the "no sex at the rink" rule, hmm?

 

_Scott Moir [7:42 PM]_

So ready

WOuld've been like two months earlier

I thought it would be sort of poetic

Weird too probably

But mostly poetic

To do it there

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:44 PM]_

You know, I don't think that I'd find sex on an air mattress in the rink office sexy with anyone but you.

In fact, I'm sure of it.

 

_Scott Moir [7:44 PM]_

I'm glad

But don't you feel bad for me now? Are you way more in love with me now?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:45 PM]_

You know, the whole point of this is to not HAVE to ask me if I feel bad for you.

It's like compliments. Just let it come naturally.

 

_Scott Moir [7:45 PM]_

You're mean

A mean heartbreaker and date forgetter

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:45 PM]_

Would it make you feel any better if I told you that 23-year-old me would've absolutely rocked your world on that air mattress?

Because she was so bowled over by her incredibly romantic skating partner.

 

_Scott Moir [7:45 PM]_

I should've been more romantic then, huh?

Not just on the odd family holiday

Maybe we'd have gotten our shit together sooner

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:46 PM]_

We still had a lot to figure out.

And it's not just your job to be romantic, you know. It's a two-way street. :*

 

_Scott Moir [7:46 PM]_

You had any romantic inclinations?

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:46 PM]_

Well...I might've. But we were kind of cheating, if you remember.

So things were not...perfect, in that situation.

 

_Scott Moir [7:46 PM]_

I wasn't cheating. At least not around Christmas

And not like you and Doucheface were so fucking exclusive

Sorry

I love you

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:46 PM]_

Scott Patrick Moir. You are not sorry.

Not one bit.

And you know it.

 

_Scott Moir [7:47 PM]_

I meant the cursing

I stand by doucheface

Fucking dick

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:47 PM]_

Oh, come on

It's been years

You can't still hate him that much

 

_Scott Moir [7:47 PM]_

Assholes don't stop being assholes by time alone

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:47 PM]_

You know perfectly well it's been three years since I've even seen him

 

_Scott Moir [7:48 PM]_

I should hope so

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:48 PM]_

What do you mean, you should hope so?

Did you think he was making secret visit to Montreal or something?

Don't be ridiculous.

 

_Scott Moir [7:49 PM]_

I mean I hope you don't wanna be friendly with him

Because you're so nice and forgiving

No, I wasn't thinking THAT

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:50 PM]_

You'd better not be

And I know you don't like hearing this, but every other guy I've dated is not automatically an ass

Although I will give you Fedor

 

_Scott Moir [7:52 PM]_

I think you're wrong

I think you have a shit taste in men

Save for me

I never got that honestly

I'm the only non-asshole you ever dated

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:52 PM]_

Oh for heaven's sake.

Ryan was not an asshole. A little dim, maybe, but not an asshole.

 

_Scott Moir [7:52 PM]_

And even I was pretty bad when you fell in love with me first

Are you fucking kidding me?

He's a sexist pig

And he's not "a little dim", he's a fucking moron

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:53 PM]_

Take deep breaths, your blood pressure's going to go through the roof

 

_Scott Moir [7:54 PM]_

And he treated you like he expected you to wash his dirty boxers

And cook him dinner

And fucking swallow down his ballsack for exercise

Asshole

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:54 PM]_

He definitely did not want the dinner part. Not after the first time I cooked for him, anyway.

 

_Scott Moir [7:54 PM]_

Don't be cute with me now

Just admit it, you have crap taste

I'm the outlier here

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:55 PM]_

First of all, I do not have crap taste in men. Second, you begged me to never cook for you again on multiple occasions, so you two have at least one thing in common. Third, I have yet to point out your awful taste in girlfriends (except for K), which I think shows great taste and restraint on my part.

 

_Scott Moir [7:56 PM]_

I had shit taste in the women I actually went with

Except for Kait

And I am not too proud to admit that which is more than I can say about you

Also that I can admit that I went with all of them because you were unavailable

To me

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:56 PM]_

I only started dating Ryan the first time because you got back together with Jess for the fifth time right before Skate Canada in 2011.

So that is not strictly true.

 

_Scott Moir [7:57 PM]_

Seriously?

I'm asking not being testy

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:57 PM]_

Yes, seriously.

 

_Scott Moir [7:57 PM]_

I didn't know

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:57 PM]_

I mean, it doesn't matter now, but...that was why.

 

_Scott Moir [7:57 PM]_

It does matter a little bit

I always wondered if Doucheface was to fuck with me a little

Like payback

For being an ass myself

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:58 PM]_

I wouldn't say payback. Just...that I wanted something for myself.

Although seeing you get furious every time he showed up at a comp was strangely gratifying at that point.

I wasn't always the nicest person back then either, I suppose.

 

_Scott Moir [7:59 PM]_

You were perfect

Except for your boyfriends

Though few and far in between

I hated them all

 

_Tessa Virtue [7:59 PM]_

You were very clear about that, yes.

I really thought you were going to deck Fedor 70% of the time I was with him.

And then Marina would've kicked us out.

 

_Scott Moir [8:00 PM]_

I was pretty close to it most of the time

Do you think I can order a drink?

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:00 PM]_

Of course you can order a drink - they won't care. Just don't get caught on Instagram dancing with random girls and you'll be fine.

 

_Scott Moir [8:02 PM]_

Will you ever let that go?

I didn't know I was being filmed

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:02 PM]_

Ohhh. I see.

So you make a habit of dancing with random girls at bars as long as you know you're not being filmed?

How interesting.

 

_Scott Moir [8:03 PM]_

Wait now

That didn't sound right

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:03 PM]_

You don't say.

 

_Scott Moir [8:03 PM]_

There's no good way out of this huh?

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:03 PM]_

What do YOU think??

 

_Scott Moir [8:04 PM]_

I think you may still have a thing for idiot assholes

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:04 PM]_

Well...maybe not the asshole part.

 

_Scott Moir [8:04 PM]_

I was just trying to be nice

And I didn't think it would end up on the internet

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:04 PM]_

I know. I wasn't mad. Not really.

The comments were not ideal.

 

_Scott Moir [8:05 PM]_

I know

I did learn tho

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:05 PM]_

The shitstorm of the next few days was not exactly ideal either.

 

_Scott Moir [8:05 PM]_

Let's not get into that babe

We had a pretty neat two days where none of that mattered

I'd like to remember that for a while

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:06 PM]_

Yes, I bet you would. ;)

I don't think we left the bed for more than an hour that entire 48-hour stretch.

I also don't think we'd ever tried that particular position before, but damn, it worked.

 

_Scott Moir [08:06 PM]_

The bed, the deck chairs

Any flat surface

 

_Tessa Virtue [08:06 PM]_

Some of them were not exactly flat, baby.

 

_Scott Moir [8:07 PM]_

Which one do you mean?

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:07 PM]_

That thing you did, with the hammock?

Not a flat surface, sweetheart.

 

_Scott Moir [8:07 PM]_

Oh that

yeah

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:07 PM]_

Yes, that

 

_Scott Moir [8:07 PM]_

That was nice

Tell me quick what you liked most about it

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:08 PM]_

Just nice??

That's the best adjective you've got?!

 

_Scott Moir [8:08 PM]_

I'mnot being stood up anymore

I'll give you my adjectives if you give me yours

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:08 PM]_

I can't text you about the hammock thing with other people there!

What if they saw your phone?

 

_Scott Moir [8:09 PM]_

They're still at the front looking to be pointed to me

You got a couple of seconds

Make em good

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:09 PM]_

Fine.

It was the sexiest damned thing I think you've done in the past three years, and it is entirely possible I still think about it when you're gone and I'm making myself come.

You happy now?

 

_Scott Moir [8:09 PM]_

Okay

How many times did you do that last thing since I left?

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:10 PM]_

I'm not telling you.

You'll gloat.

 

_Scott Moir [8:10 PM]_

Two seconds

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:10 PM]_

Five times

Shut up

Go eat your dinner.

 

_Scott Moir [8:17 PM]_

You dirty little thing

I like it

I like it a lot

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:20 PM]_

I know you're texting under the table now.

 

_Scott Moir [8:37 PM]_

Maybe we should get a hammock for London

And Montreal

Yeah, I totally am

I'm saying it's for the tour

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:38 PM]_

If they see your phone, you're a dead man

Just so we're clear

 

_Scott Moir [8:38 PM]_

They won't

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:38 PM]_

Uh-huh

I am a fan of this hammock idea, though.

That thing where you had me twist my wrists into the gaps like I was tied up...

 

_Scott Moir [8:40 PM]_

We could look more into that

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:40 PM]_

You were looking pretty well at the time, as I recall

 

_Scott Moir [8:41 PM]_

Haha funny

We could look into that more

happy now?

#autocorrect

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:41 PM]_

No, I'm not happy

I'm thinking about the hammock, and you, and my vibrator is all the way back in the bedroom

That's a long way to go

 

_Scott Moir [8:42 PM]_

T

I got company

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:42 PM]_

Oh, so NOW that's a problem

I see

I'll just touch myself and stop talking to you then

Have a lovely dinner

 

_Scott Moir [8:44 PM]_

You're cruel

And horny

And I'm into it

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:44 PM]_

Shhh, be quiet, I'm just getting to the good part

I may need both hands

 

_Scott Moir [8:45 PM]_

You do that

I'm getting pasta

I love you babe

Say my name when you come

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:46 PM]_

If you're that blasé about it, I'll just think of Ryan Gosling or something

You don't deserve to have your name gasped out when I'm naked on the deck chair

 

_Scott Moir [8:49 PM]_

Ohhhh

The deck chair

Filthy girl

Think of Gosling all you like, he'll never make you scream like I do

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:49 PM]_

Dammit, I'm getting close

And I thought you were getting pasta

What do you care whose name I scream?

 

_Scott Moir [8:52 PM]_

You better not scream at all babe

If you're outside, all kinky and bad, someone might hear it

Think you might be sleeping with your skating partner

Think he might be the one you're thinking about

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:55 PM]_

There's no one around for at least three miles, and you know it

And I'm very busy at the moment

Go eat your pasta

I have to think of blue eyes and great height

 

_Scott Moir [8:56 PM]_

Yeah, yeah

Do that

Use your hands babe

I'm gonna eat my pasta and be big in all the right places

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:56 PM]_

Fuck, don't say big, I'm gonna

 

_Scott Moir [9:17 PM]_

Good pasta here

Good time over there?

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:18 PM]_

Shut up

I'm not speaking to you

Ryan and I are having a silent communion

Gosling, not the other one

 

_Scott Moir [9:22 PM]_

I was gonna say

Babe, you know I can't really get all worked up here right?

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:22 PM]_

You were the one who insisted on sexting under the table

I was just sitting here quietly

On my deck chair

With minimal amounts of clothing

 

_Scott Moir [9:24 PM]_

I wasn't insisting on anything, I just wanted some adjectives

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:25 PM]_

And now you're hard under the table and hoping like hell you're fine by the time you have to get up

I know you :)

 

_Scott Moir [9:25 PM]_

Shut up

 

_Tessa Virtue [9:25 PM]_

All right then, I won't tell you about how I was thinking about you inside me and the way it feels when you drop your head and bite my shoulder when you come

Enjoy your dessert

 

_Scott Moir [8:26 PM]_

You suck so much T

In the bad way not the good way

The good way too

But we're not talking about that

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:28 PM]_

Mm-hmm

That was rude

Very rude indeed

 

_Scott Moir [8:31 PM]_

YOU are rude

I am in public

And you should behave yourself

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:32 PM]_

You don't have to look at your phone, you know

You are choosing to do that

Just count yourself lucky I decided not to send you pictures of me

On the deck chair

 

_Scott Moir [8:32 PM]_

Okay, I'm putting this thing away now

Or you're going to get me into so much trouble

I'll call you later

And I will see you tomorrow

Tomorrow, babe

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:33 PM]_

Tomorrow

Don't forget to call, I want to hear your voice before I go to sleep

 

_Scott Moir [8:33 PM]_

I will

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:33 PM]_

Love you

 

_Scott Moir [8:33 PM]_

Love you more

 

_Tessa Virtue [8:34 PM]_

Impossible. 'Bye, baby. :* <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We tried to be less sexty...but Tessa is a lil freak. Sorry....

**Author's Note:**

> So, did you like it a little bit? If enough people like this, maybe Anon and I will make this a chaptered thing were we can discuss current happenings through the eyes of Tessa and Scott...would you be interested in that?
> 
> Thoughts?


End file.
